Bullying can kill

With all due respect and support for her cause, I am especially posting this for my fellow author @cheriewhite who I believe speaks strongly against bullying and we all should her cause.

I am being able to post this as I edit criminal news online and this news has been rewritten to the best of my ability. Kindly point out if any errors.

Kindly note that I am reminded of @cheriewhite whenever I do a news about bullying, but am posting it for the first time as I thought the article below should be read by more people.

Two of 3 teenagers tried in Helsinki for the brutal murder of their school friend, 16, bullied him since childhood.

A trial was held last week in Helsinki in connection with the brutal murder of a 16-year-old who was known to be a person who kept to himself, stayed away from social situations, and has been described as quiet and kind boy.

The victim’s three teenage friends stood the trial for his murder on December 4, 2020,

It has been said the 16-year-old did not have many friends, in school, other than the two suspects. He was acquainted with two of the suspects since Kindergarten and was being bullied by them since childhood, according to police. The teen met the oldest suspect in August last year during a planned robbery of the victim.

The suspect told police, “[The victim] has sometimes reminded me that I bullied [the victim] in kindergarten. We have both been bullied at Käpylä Primary School while we were in first grade.”

According to the police record that was released and now can be ordered from the public, all three suspects had been planning this night and called it the punishment game. It was also a birthday celebration for the youngest suspect who was turning 16 years old.

Memorial candles at the scene of the murdered teenage boy’s body near Koskela Hospital in Helsinki on Sunday, December 20, 2020, Vesa Moilanen, Magazine Image

For three to four hours the victim was humiliated and suffered sadistic torturing. The suspects forced the victim to drink vodka and all three were involved in punching him, kicking him, peeing on him, beating him with a metal bar and more. According to police, the oldest suspect had even jumped off a platform to hit the victims head and chest with his knees. Some of the beatings and humiliation acts were filmed by each of the suspects.

One of the suspects had a chance to get help while he was gone for two hours, but instead, he told the other suspects to not let the victim go before he got the chance to punch him. When this suspect got back, he immediately punched the victim twice in the face.

The victim had asked the suspects to stop several times. None of the suspects called for an ambulance or told their co-accused to stop.

This brutal night began at around 7PM and lasted until around 11PM in a park near Koskela Hospital in Helsinki. According to the police, before the three boys had left the scene, they checked with a phone to see if the victim was still breathing. When they noticed the fog on the screen, they had left him there in the cold December air half naked thinking he would just get up and walk home. According to the police, the cause of death of the victim has been linked to several broken ribs, lack of oxygen, and brain hemorrhages caused by the injuries.

After the three suspects left, the youngest suspect was seen at a store at around midnight. Afterwards the youngest suspect apparently went back to the scene where he had sent a voice message to both boys saying the victim might be dying, the voice message also included a small laughter.

On Monday morning at around 8:05AM, the victim was found by a construction worker. At the same time, the police were at the scene investigating, one of the suspects had told their parents what had happened to their missing friend. During the weekend, the parents of this suspect thought their son was sick as he had been throwing up all weekend and they even made an appointment to get him tested for coronavirus. Instead, the worst had happened.Instead of calling the emergency centre or telling their parents what had happened, the suspects spent their weekend at home searching online about youth sentencing in Finland, how to get rid of a body, how to erase their DNA from the scene, if urine has DNA that the police can link to someone, and more. The next day at around 6PM, two of the youngest suspects went back to the scene to collect their beer cans they left behind.

“Then this morning he told me that he has something terrible to tell,” the suspect’s mother said later that day at a police interrogation. “I don’t know if it was fear and panic that [didn’t] make them call the emergency center.”

The suspect had also told his girlfriend on Sunday what had happened and although she advised him to tell his parents, the suspect did not want to because he wanted to spend one more normal night with his family. The suspect did not share his involvement in the event.

At the beginning of the investigations, it was told the oldest suspect was planning this night and he was the only one beating the victim; however, according to the police report, the two younger suspects planned to try and place the blame on him. After the two younger suspects found out the victim had died when they went back the next day, they even exchanged fake text messages placing the blame on the older suspect. According to police, during the interrogations it came to light that the two suspects had exchanged these messages for the police to find.

Along with trying to blame the oldest suspect of the violence, the second oldest suspect also manipulated his family and the police into thinking he was innocent and only punched the victim twice and that he himself was also abused. However, during the interrogations, the police found out the truth as the suspects had filmed parts of the night and were sending messages to each other. At around the sixth interrogation with this suspect, the police provided evidence to go against his comments, after this, the suspect kept saying he does not remember or no comment.

Each of the suspects played a part in the brutal murder and humiliation acts.

The oldest suspect was admitting the truth right from the start and had said during the interrogations that everyone was equally participating, and everyone deserves the same sentence. The suspect also admitted that he probably committed the most violence to the victim and has accepted responsibility.

“I was kind of really angry. It was a bit like the feeling inside me and I didn’t think it targeted anyone. The feeling did not alleviate,” the oldest suspect said during one of the interrogations.

The police were able to confirm what the oldest suspect had said by going through all the photos, videos, and messages on all three phones. The evidence showed that all three suspects were beating and humiliating the victim before his death.

The police report is a lengthy detailed document of more than 400 pages consisting of information about the night of December 4th, previous assaults on the victim and all three suspect interrogations. The information about the victim has been kept private as requested by his family.

The report revealed in addition to the brutal murder, two of the youngest suspects were charged with nine assaults and robbery of the victim. The assaults go back to August 2020 and each one was filmed. According to the two suspects these assaults were forms of punishment.

None of the three suspects could explain why they were violent against the victim.

The victim had not told anyone about the previous bullying, robbery by the oldest suspect or past nine assaults. If someone asked, the victim apparently told them the injuries were from a fall. It is not known why the victim kept going back to these teenagers, but it seems like these three boys had the victim under their control.

Officers are also looking into the school the victim and two of the suspects attended and social services to see why the victim was bullied without being noticed for such a long time.
As they are underage, the max penalty for the suspects is 12 years. The oldest suspect knew this and sent a text message to the others in which he wrote not to worry as this is Finland.
The prosecutor has demanded all three suspects to undergo psychological assessments and is filing charges in relation to the other cases of a total of nine assaults and robbery.

The three youths are due for court again for two dates in the start of this month.

#bullying, #daily-post, #postaday

Envious? Of What?

When I look back today, I can see so much clearer. I never needed friends like those. However, when it’s happening, you don’t see it so clearly. Being in the middle of a storm can obscure your vision and cloud your judgment, causing you to feel things that are entirely out of your character. And one of those feelings is jealousy.

Being a target of relentless bullying is a lonely existence. The target not only becomes secretly desperate to have friends, but he also grows to hate anyone who does have them. I can testify to this because I’d watch the girls who were lucky enough to be surrounded by friends when I was a target. I’d watch them laugh and notice the bright smiles and their auras brimming with confidence- and I’d feel white-hot rage brewing- stirring inside me.

I could feel my eyes blaze and shoot daggers of fire at those happy girls. I never showed it, but I hated them with the fierceness of a hurricane! It was one of the reasons why I’d often instigate fights and sow discord between other classmates.

I realize now that it was terrible for me to feel that way. I was certainly wrong for feeling the way I did. However, when you’re a kid, you don’t understand why life is one way for some and not others.

And when life seems to be so bad that you want to look up and either cry out to or angrily lash out at God for allowing such an unfair injustice- for not only allowing you to starve but for seemingly forcing you to watch everyone else enjoy a five-course feast. At the same time, you go without, that’s when you know your attitude needs an overhaul!

When you’re a kid, you don’t understand why some have it better than others. You don’t know why some can and some can’t. And you wrack your brain, trying to figure out what the secret ingredients are.

But now that I know what the secret ingredients are, I realize that it never was anything I would’ve wanted in the first place. It wouldn’t have been worth it. They wouldn’t have been worth it.

To have to put on an act to be accepted by everyone?

To have to keep up appearances to be popular?

To be totally dependent on the approval of others?

To let other people’s opinions and the number of friends be the definition of who I am?

To have to be someone I’m not and micromanage every move I make and everything I say to keep from accidentally letting the real me slip out and risk displeasing people around me?

To have to cover one lie with a new one?

To be always afraid of people finding out who I really am?

To have my peace, happiness, and freedoms depend on the permission of others?

bullyingbeingfake

No thanks! They can have all the friends they want through all the fakery they want. That’s too much work, and I’m too lazy. If people don’t like the real me, they can hit the bricks. I don’t need them around.

I look back and realize that the vast majority of my classmates lived solely for their friends and the approval of others. They didn’t know what they wanted. Even worse, they didn’t know who they were! Sadly, as adults, they still don’t.

Even today, they’re slaves to the approval of others- tools- followers, sheep.

Me? I refuse to live that way. And I don’t live for them. I’m not out to win a popularity contest. I only want to be and do what makes me happy and live a drama-free life and in comfort. No more, no less.

Other than God, myself, and my family, I don’t live for anyone else, and I couldn’t care less about their approval.

dreamstime_xs_87908515

I know who I am, and I live for much better things!

When I look back to all those years ago, I realize that there was nothing to be envious of. In fact, I was much better off than any of them. I was the luckier one. I didn’t have to jump through hoops and bend over backward for them. Although it was hard and I paid a heavy price for it, I lived for me, and I’m so glad I did.

If you’re a target of bullying and you ever find yourself jealous of your bullies and everyone else who has all these friends around them, I urge you to consider all the personal sacrifices they’re making to have those friends. What do they have to give up?

Is having to stuff down and bury your true nature a way you want to live? Having others dictate to you what you should be?

I hope not.

#be-yourself, #blessings-in-disguise, #bullying, #envy, #epiphany, #freedom, #injustice, #jealousy, #resentment

Drawing Your Enemies Out in the Open

We think we know all the people in our lives, especially those closest to us, but many are not who they make us think they are. In life, there will be fakers and imposters, people who will infiltrate your inner circle and pretend to be your friends. These people will seem to latch onto you like a tick to a dog. Then, they can figure out everything about you- your soft spots, intentions, the most intimate details of your life, goals, and dreams. Then these people will work behind the scenes to sabotage and crush you.

But what if I told you that there is a clever way to draw all those rogues out? Even scarier, what if I told you that it won’t be an easy thing to do?

In fact, it just might be the hardest thing to do because it requires unshakeable confidence and self-belief.

What do I mean by this? Here it is:

Sometimes, you must play the loser and appear weak to make the people around you feel safe. Only then can you draw them out and trick them into removing their fake husks. This is what you do anytime you have any shred of doubt about a person or persons.

You must realize that when people feel untouchable, they become brazen, and that is when you see their true nature. And to make them feel untouchable, you must give them the impression that they’ve already won.

I won’t kid you. This will be hard to do because it will feel like a huge blow to your pride. You’ll be ridiculed, people will gloat, and it won’t feel good at all. In fact, it’ll feel terrible, even humiliating at times.

This is something most people wouldn’t dream of doing because, as I just mentioned, it’s downright terrifying. Nobody wants to know of any possibility that a long-trusted friend could turn out to be a snake. I get that.

It feels so much better (and safer) to live in denial and act as if everything is peachy king. Also, no one wants to look weak. It feels better to appear strong even if you’re not.

It’s a blow to the ego when we’re defeated, and– even when we aren’t defeated but appear that way to the rest of the world. But trust me, it is only, ONLY, when you’re at your lowest you find out who’s really in your corner, and, more importantly, was all along.

If you can give the illusion that you’ve been knocked on your tookus, you’ll be surprised at the snakes who shed their skins and reveal themselves, and some will more than likely be people you’d never expect. Very few people realize who their enemies are until the fit hits the shan.

Any time you appear to be at your weakest and lowest, not only will your secret enemies reveal themselves, they’ll also be more emboldened to act against you. And when they do, they’ll do it openly! And the reason these people will be so open with their dirt is because they’ll mistake you for being powerless to fight back.

But realize that this is the only way for you to clear the dead weight and human clutter from your life. And you do it by unmasking it first. After all, you must know who to get rid of before you can do this successfully, and if done right, you can ensure your safety and peace of mind.

You can remove any obstacles to your progress and more easily achieve your goals. More importantly, you can ensure a better future for yourself.

So, in closing, any time you have doubts about a friend or two, do something to make yourself appear weak or down and out. Then see how they respond and what they do.

It might not feel good at the time, but you’ll thank yourself later. Even better, you’ll thank all the fakers for walking into your well-laid trap and showing you what lowlifes, they really are. And you’ll smile and hold your head high as you walk away and discard them into the trash heap of the many scumbags who underestimated you.

#betrayal, #bullying, #fake-friends, #frenemies, #imposters, #know-who-your-friends-are, #know-your-enemies

Targets of Bullying and Social Anxiety

After being bullied for so long, targets can develop social anxiety. They withdraw from people because they fear future attacks. The target’s spirit has been beaten down and broken and the person has been abused to the point of losing faith in humanity. Also, they’re reprogrammed to believe the bullies’ lies that they aren’t worthy of love and friendship. They are under the presumption that it’s much safer not to engage in any social interaction.

But what the target doesn’t realize is that in closing himself off from the rest of the world, he unknowingly limits himself in all aspects of life.

Humans were created to socialize and to have relationships. When targets create this invisible fortress around them, it doesn’t ensure their safety but only brings about more bullying. Bullies get their power from our fear. They are like ferocious animals who can smell fear from a mile away and believe me. They take full advantage.

Moreover, targets miss out on relationships that, otherwise, could be and would be fulfilling and rewarding. They unwittingly forego opportunities for friendship, dating, even good jobs that can produce personal success and financial well-being. Because if a person doesn’t believe in themselves, no one else will- that includes potential friends, dates, and company managers and supervisors. No one wants to be friends with, date, or hire someone who isn’t sure of himself unless they have low self-esteem themselves.

People recognize, if only subconsciously, social anxiety when they see it and not only through the more obvious signs, such as quietness, avoidance, trembling, blushing, stuttering or sweaty palms.

Social anxiety can also be more covert, showing itself in less obvious ways:

  1. Excessive laughing and giggling
  2. Appearing normal on the outside but nervous and shaky on the inside
  3. Excessive humor and being overly funny or no sense of humor at all
  4. Excessive sarcasm/having a smart-alicky attitude
  5. Being overly friendly/too nice
  6. Shutting down/freezing up- unable to talk or move
  7. Meanness/rudeness
  8. Fidgeting/can’t sit still
  9. Lack of or too much eye contact
  10. Poor posture/looking down all the time
  11. Having a hard time keeping up with a conversation
  12. Talking too loudly, too fast, too soft, too slow, or not at all
  13. Indifference
  14. Excessive use of foul language
  15. Promiscuity/raciness
  16. Wearing attire that is provocative or super-revealing
  17. A style that is “perceived” as separatist or out of the ordinary (goth, punk-rock, etc.)

The difficult thing is that those covert signs don’t always mean that the person has social anxiety. Many people just have their own sense of style or they may be naturally introverted. They may also have a boisterous personality. If you do not know the person or aren’t close to them, it’s hard to tell.

But one thing that is noticeable is if the person never exhibited this kind of behavior or look before and suddenly, or within a short amount of time transitions into it. And these kinds of changes can only be noticeable to those who are close to the person or have been around the person for years.

Therefore, if you know a person who is showing these signs, instead of pointing a finger and judging them cruelly, ask questions and find out why. You may not realize that person could be a target of bullying or another form of abuse.

And if you are a target of bullying and struggling with social anxiety, I want you to know that you don’t have to live in that invisible prison forever. Bullies do not deserve value and you shouldn’t place any worth to their opinions of you. Understand that you are enough and that your bullies haven’t earned your respect nor your attention.

Only value the opinions or thoughts of the people who love you and whose opinions deserve your consideration, attention, and acknowledgement.

Start loving yourself and practicing self-care. Relax and be yourself. Embrace your flaws and quirks because we all have them whether we admit it or not. Allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them. I promise you that you’ll be much happier and have more peace of mind when you do.

#abuse, #bullying, #mental-health, #social-anxiety, #targets-of-bullying, #trauma