Have you ever had a chance encounter with a stranger? I’ve often wondered why those experiences occur with one individual but not another.In her essay How to Change Your Life in One Second Flat, Katherine Schafler addresses her idea that we always ask four questions of everyone with whom we have connections.
These queries, which she claims are inspired by Maya Angelou, are ongoing appeals for acknowledgment and affirmation on a large and small scale.
Psychotherapist John Gottman refers to these demands as bids, which are “any attempt from one partner to another for attention, affirmation, or affection.”
Not every bid will be responded, but what counts is that you respond yes to the bid at least 85 percent of the time. This is true for all types of relationships, including transient ones.
The four questions are as follows:
- Do you notice me?
2. Do you mind if I’m here?
3. Is that enough for you, or do you require something more from me?
4. Is it possible to tell that I’m significant to you by the way you look at me?