How To Be a Successful Blogger

The other day when I thoughtlessly volunteered for a guest post (I thought this way I will actually get someone to read what I write), I had not a single thought in my mind as to what exactly I was going to guest post about. I assumed I’d write about a book or something, since by and large, this is what I do. But when you write on a forum, you ought to write something that interests people there instead of boring them with your pet obsessions, so that rather excludes Herodotus and the continuing Brexit wars. 

Having given this some thought… What could interest bloggers more than blogging advice?

Bloggers always want more followers and will follow practically any advice to get them. If you have ten followers, you dream of a hundred. If you’ve got a hundred, you want a thousand; if you’ve got a thousand…. How many followers do you have to have to be able to call yourself successful? Whatever number you’ve got, you want more.

So for this reason, I thought I’d share with you the great secret of:

How To Be a Successful Blogger

In Five Easy Steps

It seemed a good idea to start with step one.

Step 1: Start a blog.

Well, that was easy. But what about step two? After much thought, I wrote:

Step 2: Don’t believe all that nonsense about quality content.

Like in television, the principle of the lowest common denominator works well!

I paused and considered this for a while. It seemed a bit cynical. Offensive, even – I didn’t like the idea that it might upset people. In fact, people might feel I’m patronising them telling them how to be successful to begin with; I realised I’m much more qualified to write on the subject from a different perspective.

So instead I would like to present you with:

How to Fail as a Blogger In Five Easy Steps

Enjoy. 🙂